Posted by: Carlos | March 14, 2010

Done any Reading Lately?

Some would say that in order to have harmony and balance in one’s life, one must learn to be free from obsessions, addictions, etc. (was that the Buddha?). Personally, I like my obsessions, providing I can keep them relatively in check. On the other hand, if I can accomplish that, perhaps they aren’t really obsessions. In any case, such distinctions don’t really matter to me because I’m more of a pragmatist than philosopher. My overall life priorities are faith, family, and work. Whatever time and energy are left after that are available for consumption by my obsessions. Ranked in order of priority those are: reading, golf, and writing (like this blog). If you’re wondering where I’m going with this, it’s a roundabout explanation for why I sometimes have extended periods when I don’t write.

In the past two months, the priority of my obsessions has been confirmed as I’ve mostly had time to read (something I can do early morning and after dark) and play a little golf. You may wonder how one can “play a little golf” considering the amount of time it takes to complete a round (4 1/2 – 5 hours). As I’ve written in the past, I mostly play at Gleneagles, a nine-hole course that’s about five minutes from my home. Because I’m usually in my office (at home) by 6 am and like to take a break around midday, I sometimes use my break to run up and play nine holes before returning to work in the afternoon. I know it’s a charmed life, but someone has to live it!

In confirmation of my primary obsession, I’ve read the following books over the past few months: The Damned United (about my club – Leeds United; also saw the film); The Corporal was a Pitcher (given to me by a friend); Nurtureshock – New Thinking about Children; The Black Ice by Michael Connelly (as with all authors I enjoy, I intend to make my way through all 23 of his books); Where Men Win Glory – The Odyssey of Pat Tillman by Jon Krakauer; The Water Giver by Joan Ryan (formerly of the S.F. Examiner & Chronicle); and most recently, When the Game was Ours by Magic Johnson and Larry Bird, with Jackie McMullan (the book was nicely summarized in a recent HBO documentary). If you know something of my life, you may have noted the absence of the Bible or any books on spirituality. That’s intentional. In my role as part-time pastoral staff and leader in our church, I consider that type of reading/study to be a form of spiritual discipline – albeit, one that I enjoy immensely. It’s simply that I like to make the distinction between reading that’s essential and that which is a diversion. Interestingly enough, my high-level consumption of popular culture (mostly through books and movies) helps me to more effectively present spiritual concepts and issues to a wider audience.

Enough for now. I may circle back and share a few thoughts and insights on some of the books above. As always, thanks for stopping by.

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Posted in Culture, Personal

Posted by: Carlos | January 19, 2010

Finishing Well – Byron Nelson

About a month after putting up this blog in December 2007, I wrote a piece entitled “Shining the Light“. It described, in part, something that has become increasingly important to me over the past several years - finishing well. What does that mean? For starters, it entails a thoughtful and consistent effort to keep pushing forward in life despite one’s age. To increasingly focus one’s energies not on self-indulgence, but on people and/or activities that extend beyond oneself. This is in contrast to the stereotypical concept of retirement that was promoted in our country starting back in the mid-to-late 1950’s. Retirement was idealized as the phase of life where we would receive recompense for all our hard work. We would detach ourselves from the workforce and all its corresponding pressures, be “taken care of” by society, and allowed to blissfully “coast downhill”  to the end of our lives.  I know that’s a harsh generalization, but it’s my blog and for sake of discussion I should be allowed to engage in a bit of hyperbole. Still, as a lifelong golfer this vision of retirement was pretty appealing to me. That is, until some of my retired playing partners reminded me that you can’t play golf everyday…either you don’t have the money, or your body can’t stand up to the physical effort :-), or heaven forbid – you tire of golf serving as your only recreational outlet!

I just finished re-reading Mark Frost’s book – The Match. Speaking of hyperbole, the book is subtitled, “The Day the Game of Golf Changed Forever”. While I would highly recommend it to anyone who plays golf even semi-seriously, it’s probably not a book anyone else would understand. It tells the story of an informal team match played in 1956 between two legends of professional golf (Ben Hogan & Byron Nelson) and the two top amateurs of the day (Ken Venturi and Harvie Ward). It has a Bay Area angle because both Venturi and Ward lived in San Francisco at the time and the match took place at a famous course on the Monterey Peninsula, where local golfers often go for day trips. The course was Cypress Point, considered by most to be the “Sistine Chapel” of golf – the ultimate expression of golf architect Alister MacKenzie’s work.

The 16th and 17th holes at Cypress Point

Most golf experts and publications rate Cypress Point as the second most exclusive golf club in all of the United States. The late comedian Bob Hope once memorably summed up Cypress Point: “One year they had a big membership drive at Cypress. They drove out 40 members.” Hope was himself a member for more than 40 years, but he didn’t recall playing more than a half-dozen times outside of the annual “Crosby Clambake.” He still paid, however. At the end of every year Cypress Point divides its total operating costs evenly among the members. They pay even if they never set foot on the property that year.
One of the men on the course that day was Byron Nelson; a man whose life was built on a foundation of strong Christian faith, loyalty, respect, and most importantly – humility. Within his sphere of influence (sports), he was as complete an embodiment of finishing well as we are likely to find.

Nelson in his prime

     

At home in his den

I like good writing as much as anybody, so instead of me trying to paraphrase what Mark Frost wrote about Byron, I’d like to present it to you in his own words. Regarding Byron’s death, he wrote: “His turned out to be not just another obituary for a half-forgotten figure from a distant age long since passed. Because he’d touched so many lives for so many years, and remained so true to the basic principles by which he lived,  Byron had remained timeless, standing outside of any particular memory or era. He’d stepped away from the glare of his sport’s spotlight at thirty-four, and contributed far more of a lasting value to the world around him [from his perspective]…in the six decades that followed than he had during his thirteen years between the ropes [playing professional golf].”

At his funeral, he was eulogized by one of the men whom he had mentored and played against in the famous 1956 match – Ken Venturi. Speaking of Byron, Venturi said: “Some people come into our lives and quietly go away. Others stay for a while and leave footprints in our hearts and we’re never the same because of it. He gave me strength in times of weakness. He gave courage in times of fear. And he gave love in times of doubt. You could always turn to Byron when you were in need, he was always there, and he gave you the best he had.

That’s the kind of finishing well that inspires me as I move closer and closer to the “winter” of my life, where being and influence take predominance over doing.

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Posted in Culture, Golf Reflections, Musings on Life

Posted by: Carlos | January 8, 2010

I’m Not What I Used to Be – Part 2

Among the challenges we face as we get older are misconceptions about who we are on the part of people who don’t know us. In our fast-paced culture, where the bombardment from external stimuli is a constant, we all take shortcuts when it comes to assessing others. Sadly, these often rely far too much on appearance. In my case, people see a rotund, gray-bearded man who’s clearly on the far side of forty. It’s difficult for them to keep from generalizing about who I am today (just an ”old guy”, with all the corresponding connotations) and even harder for them to imagine how I got here. The situation is exacerbated by the fact that when I try to describe my past life and experiences, particularly to younger people, they often perceive it as pontificating. Over time, I’ve learned to deal with this attitude by becoming more of a storyteller. In that regard, today’s post is more of a visual story (chronological) about my past and some of what I used to be.

In college, I was a pretty wild “frat boy” and manager of the fraternity house. All of the men pictured here eventually became successful lawyers, doctors, financial professionals, managers, etc. Erin the Irish Setter also lived a long and prosperous life. This was after one of our big parties, with me in the center – as usual.

For many years, I was an avid backpacker. Note the ”old school” equipment and dress – dating back to the late 1970’s and early 1980’s. That’s me on the left. 

In this photo, I’m the one in the middle (red-checked shirt).

For many years, one of my best friends owned the staysail schooner Kelpie, based out of Dana Point in Southern California. I was a foredeck hand on the racing crew and we would take her out to meet all challengers in regattas throughout the area. She truly was a fast and exhilarating boat to sail. I rarely get an opportunity to sail anymore, but when I do, it’s like riding a bike – it all comes back pretty quickly.

  

In the early 1980’s I was still single and decided to take advantage of an opportunity to live in the North Lake Tahoe area. Here’s a picture of my street taken the day after I moved in. For the first 18 months, I lived in the Talmont neighborhood, just south of Tahoe City and about a mile from the back bowl of Alpine Meadows ski area.

 

I played baseball from the time I was seven and it’s still my favorite sport. Although I didn’t play for my high school team, I played in spring and summer leagues until right before I left for college. After college, I played competitive softball year-round, finally giving up the game when I was in my mid-30’s. The picture below is from a championship team I played on in Truckee, CA (I’m in the lower left and you can barely see the top of the trophy to my right). I remember this team fondly because it was the best I ever played for – at any level. We could always count on somebody to come up with the big play, hit, etc. exactly when we needed it. We used to say that we never actually “lost” a game, we just ran out of innings!

I was raised in the Roman Catholic church but fell away from the faith near the end of my high school years. While in the Tahoe area, I experienced a spiritual re-emergence, symbolically declaring my new commitment as a Christian by being baptized again…in a hot tub, no less!

For about ten years after our marriage, Barbara and I were “urban missionaries”, serving among spanish-speaking immigrants in San Francisco with Innerchange. Several years in, we got a vision to plant a bilingual church in the Mission district. Innerchange seconded us to the San Francisco Vineyard, with whom we partnered to start the new church. Because we considered ourselves interim “missionary pastors”, we eventually turned the church over to a leadership team that we developed. The photos below are from one of our baptism services at Aquatic Park in San Francisco. In that regard, I’m definitely not what I used to be  - I can no longer envision myself baptizing people in the cold waters of the bay. 

Me and Barbara are in the middle-right of this picture (she’s wearing a red jacket).

A number of years ago, I learned a valuable lesson about assessing people based on their appearance. Rachel was just an infant when Barbara and I took advantage of a “respite” ministry established for missionaries and pastors by people living in or near resort communities. The location we chose was in southwest Colorado, just outside the town of Pagosa Springs. On on a day trip out to the Mesa Verde area, we ended our visit in a conversation with one of the docents – a sweet “old man”. I immediately pigeonholed him as a typical retiree living a simple (and relatively inexpensive) life out in the country. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that he had been a military and civilian test pilot at the old Muroc (later Edwards) Air Force base in California. Several months before, after watching the movie “The Right Stuff” for the umpteenth time, I got the bug to read Chuck Yeager’s autobiography. That prompted me to read something about the Lockheed “skunk works“, where all types of experimental and exotic aircraft have been developed. Because I had a decent layman’s understanding of what happened in the skies over the California desert in the 1950’s, I was able to have a wonderful conversation with the docent. It turned out to be one of the highlights of my trip.

So…the next time you see someone older or different, don’t be too quick to categorize them. After all, they’re probably not what they used to be and may have some great experiences to share.

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Posted in Musings on Life, Personal

Posted by: Carlos | December 28, 2009

I’m Not What I Used to Be – Part 1

I work out of a home office and due to the nature of my business (consulting), have what my friends jokingly refer to as a ”flexible” work schedule. In addition, my home golf course (Gleneagles) is right in the neighborhood – about five minutes away.  Because it’s a nine-hole course (with 18 tees), I can often zip over there, play nine, and be back in my office within 2 1/2 hours. I should also mention that most of my business travel involves driving to client sites, which means that my golf clubs are always at the ready.

As someone who plays golf primarily when opportunities present themselves, I’ve become accustomed to playing with a variety of people – frequently with strangers. Playing golf with people you don’t know is like going to a pot luck dinner where everyone is simply asked to bring a dish to share. You have no idea how well your companions play or if they’ll be “good company” for the 2-5 hours you’re about to spend together. The other day at Gleneagles, I was paired with a man in his mid-40s whom I didn’t know. In the midst of our round he uttered a phrase that I’ve heard countless times on the golf course from men his age (or thereabouts): “I’m not the golfer I used to be”. This almost always leads to a “mid-life crisis” type of lament about how much further he used to hit the ball, how much more accurate he used to be with his irons, or how he used to be a “dead-eye” putter when he was a younger man. More often than not, it’s laden with negativity, sorrow, or anguish. On the other hand, I rarely hear this from older guys. The ones I know are still competitive, but on a different level. In general, they’re just happy to be out playing and have become comfortable with how their golf games have changed/adapted.

In our youth-obsessed, performance-based culture, it’s unfortunate that “I’m not what I used to be” carries such negative connotations. I don’t consider myself special or unique – but I’ve chosen to take a different perspective on it. Yes, it’s true that I’m not what I once was…but that’s mostly a good thing! It means that I’ve grown, developed, and hopefully - have embraced change as an immutable aspect of life. Reflecting back on what I once was allows me to appreciate what I’ve now become and to consider with anticipation – where I might be headed.

I’ll be sharing more about this in my next post.

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Posted in Musings on Life, Personal

Posted by: Carlos | December 21, 2009

Lessons from a Chick Flick

I’ve decided to have a little fun today – so please don’t take any of this too seriously.

Those of you who periodically follow this blog are probably aware that I’m a videophile. I love feature films and documentaries and on occasion, have been a faithful follower of selected television shows and series. The common denominator among the things I watch is that they must engage my mind and/or emotions. In other words, I don’t normally watch something simply to pass the time or as an ”escape”. As a father of two females (Shana: 12 and Rachel: soon-to-be 14), I’ve seen all the major ”girl” movies and most of the popular kids movies of the past 10-12 years. In recent times, however; with Rachel’s emergence as a young woman, I’ve also learned to understand and negotiate my way through all things “chick”. This obviously includes “chick flicks“, which I am often compelled to watch because our family is democratic about managing its Netflix queue. Here’s a link to an article from 2008 in the New York Times about this genre.

The other evening, we watched a movie that was obviously selected by Rachel & Barbara (my wife) - Julie & Julia. Unbeknownst to me, it was written and directed by one of the acknowledged queens of the “chick flick” genre, Nora Ephron. Had I known this, I wouldn’t have been such a reluctant participant because I’ve really enjoyed several of her films, including Silkwood (w/Meryl Streep and Cher), When Harry Met Sally, and Sleepless in Seattle. Guys, go ahead and cringe if you must! I prefer to think of it as making me a much more “rounded” person ;-).

As it turns out, Sleepless in Seattle has become one of Rachel’s favorite films. We’ve watched it countless times together, reciting bits of memorized dialogue - much as I did with my father and the film The Magnificent Seven (Calvera the bandit, after telling a brief story: “I merely wanted to show you what little religion people now have.” Sotereo the innkeeper, in response: “That I can see for myself”. Calvera jumps up, slapping Sotero twice across the face and growls: “Don’t see!”).

Like her father, Rachel has become quite the connoisseur of media – particularly books and film.

Personally, I found the movie to be delightful and was particularly impressed with Meryl Streep’s portrayal of Julia Child - that is, the image of Julia Child most of us had from watching her on TV over the years. Afterwards, I reflected on the movie and did a little bit of research on Julia. By most accounts, she possessed two characteristics that I believe are essential to achieving excellence. First of all, she was absolutely fearless. This doesn’t mean she didn’t have any fears or failures – she had plenty. It simply means that she never allowed them to dictate the course of her life. This struggle to “overcome” engendered a strong sense of determination, which in turn, allowed her to persevere through adversity and setbacks. The second characteristic that caught my attention was her adaptability or flexibility. Time and time again, she was forced to adapt to changing circumstances, to roadblocks she encountered, and to resistance or discrimination on the part of others. Invariably, she managed to find a way through or around.

I found the portrayal of Julia Child to be inspiring – as did my daughter, Rachel. In that regard, the movie conformed to one of the fundamental tenets of a modern-day “chick flick”: it portrayed a strong woman, who was in many respects ordinary, but who was able to accomplish extraordinary things in life. That’s something you don’t need to be a “chick” to appreciate.

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Posted in Culture, Musings on Life

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