Civility is a word that’s neither used nor practiced much anymore. The dictionary defines it as: courteous behavior; politeness; or the act of showing regard for others. Until now, I’ve purposely avoided this topic because I didn’t want to come across as a grumpy ”old guy”, upset at the changing world around him; but something I saw the other day set me off…so here we go.
I was in Walgreens looking for some cold medications when I passed the pharmacy counter. Directly adjacent to the service window was a prominent sign with bold lettering: “Please terminate your cell phone conversation before approaching the window”. Well, yeah! Unfortunately, what used to be called common courtesy is no longer common (not my original quote). In fact, we’ve gotten to the point where people have to be told – very specifically – how to act courteously and respectfully towards others. All we can do is hope that they comply. Forget about trying to personally confront people for their lack of civility, particularly towards you. These days, that’s an open invitation to worse behavior or even violence.
In San Francisco, the spirit of the 49ers (not the football team) lives on – rugged individualism, greed, and self-centeredness: ”I do what I want, when I want, where I want, and in whatever fashion I choose to do it.” Don’t you dare question my choices or try to infringe on my personal freedom. People cross in front of oncoming traffic and get angry if you don’t accomodate them. They park wherever they want and don’t care if it inconveniences others. They talk loudly on cell phones in public places, oblivious to their impact on others. They chatter away disrespectfully on their phones while a real person stands before them trying to provide service (hence the Walgreens sign). On the other side of the counter, they maintain a running conversation with their co-workers and act as if you’re interrupting by asking them to wait on you. I could go on and on and I’m sure you could add many items to the list.
In my small corner of the world, I’ve decided to make it a personal issue. I try to act with civility whenever I can and teach my daughters to do the same, hopefully by example. I’ve found that because civility is now a “counter-cultural” trait, many people respond favorably to it. Maybe our actions can motivate others to be more civil in their own lives. On the other hand, I’m no idealist. San Francisco is full of people who could care less how you treat them – good or bad…after all, you’re just exercising your personal freedom. My fear is that if society offers no incentives for people to treat others with civility, they might just say: “what’s the point?”. Based on what I’ve seen so far, that’s not something I look forward to.
